First Night Nerves
Keywords: Night, Nerves, First,
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"(c)Tina & Tim 2003"
My name is Timothy. I live in a large city in the English Midlands with my girlfriend Debbie. We are both 22 years old and have lived very happily together for over 3 years. We both work in a call centre for a large financial organisation. I am not tall – 5' 4" on a good day – and have always been very slim. I am blonde with blue eyes and very fair skin. Debbie is two inches shorter than me, with long brown hair and a lovely rounded figure, not in any way fat. We both enjoy fitness, dancing, dining out and the cinema.
Oh, I nearly forgot, we're both bisexual and I'm also a transvestite.
Always a slight, somewhat effeminate child, I was bullied mercilessly for much of my schooldays. I was academically bright, but preferred sports like tennis and badminton to team games, a fact that served to increase my torment as participation was never optional. I have always been slim and fair, but this was made more obvious during my teens when puberty seemed to simply pass me by. Despite having occasional girlfriends (as well as some well-concealed boyfriends) for several years, many of the boys still called me 'gay' and sometimes made obscene comments and gestures when I was near.
On the sports field I was often punched when the teachers weren't looking, and sometimes even when they were. To try and help protect myself, I spent hours and hours running and in the gym. My body became and remains is fit and well toned, but I can never seem to build much muscle no matter how hard I try.
Even now my voice is quite high, and I have little hair anywhere other than on my head. I need to shave only twice a week and never have an afternoon shadow.
As far back as my twelfth birthday when I spent a joyful few hours alone in my older sister Pam's bedroom, I have loved dressing as a girl. I don't mean just trying to squeeze into over-tight skirts and knickers, looking obviously like a man in drag. No, I have always taken the process very seriously and for two years now, with Debbie's help, I have been able to go out in public dressed as a girl and be convincing. I even get propositioned sometimes. I really love that, though I never take up the offers.
Debbie and I met at work. After a couple of weeks she suggested we went out to the cinema and it just went from there. We are very fond of each other as I say. After only 9 months we moved into a flat together, and we have lived together for over three years now. For the first six months everything was normal, just like other couples are, but then things gradually began to get a little strained. I remember so well that night when Debbie felt she couldn't hide things any longer and, over dinner in the kitchen, burst out with the earth-shattering news that she was bisexual and had been seeing a girlfriend for the last four weeks. I asked her if she wanted us to split up. She said no, that she loved me and found me attractive, but that she needed to see her girlfriends as well. I think she expected me to end it there and then. I didn't.
Instead tried to calm her down. I put my arm around her and hugged her. I told her I loved her more than this revelation could destroy and that I wanted to stay with her. She cried and eventually told me how she needed to be with another woman sometimes, but that she still loved me. She had found her 'friends' through the lonely hearts adverts in the newspapers but the latest 'friend' had threatened to tell me about their relationship so Debbie had felt she needed to tell me first. I told Debbie I respected her for telling me.
I then told her about my own little idiosyncrasies. How I had to dress as a girl to feel really me, how I had strong feelings towards other men and had had several liaisons in the past. She listened with no look of disgust on her face as I had feared, She did not pass judgement on me. I assured her that I hadn't acted on my feelings since I had been with her, but that they just wouldn't go away. To my amazement and relief, Debbie understood. She gradually became brighter and happier and promised to help me with my needs if I would understand her needs too.
And she was true to her word. I can't tell you what a relief it was not to have to hide my cross dressing from her. I think she found it fun. She was really helpful, giving me tips about ways to dress, putting on make-up, how to walk, how to talk. She introduced me to wigs, to shaving, to flirting, to underwear. She was an angel. Sometimes we would spend entire evenings in our flat as girlfriends, and I learned many of the important mannerisms and behaviour that made me more and more convincing as a girl.
Eventually, after months of training, Debbie thought I was convincing enough to go out with her in public as a girl. We went to the cinema – at least the darkness would keep the pressure off me, we thought. It all went astonishingly well. There was no sign of anyone noticing me, and we both returned to our flat so turned on that we immediately made love passionately while we were still almost fully dressed. I was still wearing my skirt and blouse!
After this success, we progressed to going out as girlfriends once a month. My name became Tina when I 'changed'. Only once did I think I had been discovered - we left the pub quickly and drove away before anything nasty could take place. Several times we were chatted up by boys and, yes, on two occasions I kissed an unsuspecting guy in a dark pub car park before we went home. Obviously I had to make sure things didn't go too far. I was amazed at how much in control the female actually was in such a situation.
I know Debbie went out with her 'other' girlfriends at least as often, That bothered me a little, but we agreed I would not ask her about her girlfriends as long as our own relationship remained strong and it seemed a small price to pay for her whole-hearted involvement in my new identity.
One evening, after this had been going on several months, I could tell that Debbie had something important to talk about. She had been preoccupied for hours and eventually I had to ask her what was wrong. Eventually Debbie told me that her latest 'girlfriend' had been a bit more than the usual one night stand – in fact had been going on for six months - and that Debbie wanted to see much more of her. I went silent, thinking that this would be the end of our relationship, but she went on. This friend, Monica, was married and her husband Barry knew all about her bisexual tendencies. Being bisexual himself, he didn't mind, but felt excluded by Monica's developing relationship with Debbie.
Debbie had, she confessed, told Monica about me and my 'preferences' and Monica had told Barry and Barry had said he really wanted to meet us. It seems Debbie and Monica had cooked up a plan in which the four of us would meet and, if we liked each other, could perhaps spend a night together in a hotel. Debbie would sleep with Monica, and – if we wanted to – Barry and I could sleep together. We would all have lunch together on a Saturday to see if we liked each other and if we did, book everything for two weeks afterwards.
Debbie looked at me in anticipation. "Well, Tim, what do you think?"
I pondered everything. "You shouldn't have told her about me, Debs."
"I know Tim. I'm sorry, but Barry was really keen and Monica tells me he's gorgeous. Please Tim. Say you'll at least meet them."
I thought about it. "OK Debs. I'll meet for lunch. But not as Tina, just as Timothy, OK? And I'm not promising anything. You know I'm not very experienced with guys. Did you tell Monica that?"
She smiled. "Of course. To be honest, I think that's part of your attraction. Shall I call her now?"
"OK. But just for lunch."
Three weeks later we were sitting in the Hark Rock Café with Barry and Monica, having lunch. I must confess I was exited despite myself. Monica had been right - Barry was simply a dream. Tall, tanned and muscular, he came over as sensitive and educated and honestly interested in me. I could feel butterflies in my stomach as he spoke to me, and he spoke to me a lot. After the min course had been cleared away I felt confident enough to tell him about my dressing; how I took it so seriously; how I loved Debbie but needed more, just as she did.
Barry was in his late 20s or early 30s. He told me he had been a professional footballer but was now 'in property' as he put it. As he relaxed more, he told me about his own bisexual desires and how he had found Monica's description of me too interesting to miss. Monica herself was young, small, blonde and very pretty, a stereotypical footballer's wife. I was not surprised that Debbie wanted her so much – indeed I rather fancied her myself. She was bubbly and confident and looked suited to Barry very well.
After a long lunch during which time seemed to fly by, Debbie and I went to the bar to discuss whether to go ahead. There was no real decision to be made. The answer from both of us was emphatically yes. When we returned to the table, it was obvious that Barry and Monica had been having the same conversation and the atmosphere became even more relaxed. It was with reluctance that we had to say our goodbyes and go our separate ways.
Another two weeks later, Debbie and I arrived in a nice, unpretentious central London hotel, chosen to attract as little attention as possible. The hotel was very nice, but anonymous, with a good restaurant and large rooms. Our plan was, this first time, for us to meet in the bar for drinks before dinner and then, if all was going well, after dinner for Debbie and Monica to go up to our room with Barry and I going to theirs. I felt very excited but even more apprehensive. I had never spent a full night with a man before, indeed my experience had been limited to kissing, heavy petting and the occasional oral sex.
Slow trains and a lack of taxis meant that we checked in late and had to go straight up to our room to get dressed for dinner. Debbie was herself excited, but I was relived that she made time to help me prepare.
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Keywords: Night, Nerves, First,