Body Image
Keywords: Image, Body,
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"Sit down Mona. We have to talk."
He had heard those two tiny sentences more than a few times in the last several weeks. Every time he did he felt a strange queasiness in the pit of his stomach. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he could not refuse. He walked over to the couch across from the chair where Kathleen was already sitting and sat down.
He sat at the very edge of the couch, crossed one smooth leg over the other and folded his hands over his crossed knees. He pointed the toes of his dangling foot toward the floor and leaned forward expectantly. It seemed perfectly natural and comfortable to Michael to sit like this.
Kathleen was watching him very carefully.
"You look very pretty today, Mona."
Michael felt himself blushing. He looked down at the short green jersey dress he was wearing and absent-mindedly smoothed out a few non-existent wrinkles. He noted his pale slender hand with its perfectly shaped oval nails coated with silver polish. His feet, naked inside a pair of high-heeled strappy sandals, were decorated with ten adorable little silver toenails. Michael looked up shyly from under his thick lashes, but not enough to meet her eyes.
"Thank you ma'am," he said.
"I do believe green is your color. It really brings out your eyes."
Kathleen enjoyed seeing Michael's shyness. How different he was now from the brash impudent son-of-a-bitch who thought he could have an affair with her and then just dump her when her emotional involvement became too much for him. He thought all he had to do was declare that he was returning to his wife and she would just vanish into thin air. Michael thought he was in control of the situation. He was wrong. All he had to do was take one look in the mirror to see just how wrong he'd been.
***
"I don't think we should see each other anymore."
He'd actually had the nerve to tell her right after they made love. Kathleen thought he might be joking at first. But the look on his face told her he was only too serious. He was already out of bed and beginning to get dressed. Kathleen realized he was going back to the office. He was going back to the office as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She gathered the sheet at her breasts to cover herself and stared at him in a state of shock. They had met at her townhouse during lunch hour as they often did. Michael had taken a cab from Wall Street. Kathleen rode the subway from the office where she practiced psychotherapeutic hypnotherapy. The townhouse was their little love-nest. The place where they could come together and consummate their forbidden love until the day it could be made legitimate.
At least that is the way Kathleen had seen it.
"Please don't be angry sweetheart," he continued. He was standing in his underwear and shirtsleeves, fastening his cufflinks. "It's better for everyone this way. Especially you."
The condescension in his tone was unbearable. Kathleen was speechless. His sudden change of heart had come on so suddenly. Up to that point, Michael had been promising her that he would leave his wife and that they would have a future together. Kathleen had put her life on hold for sixteen long months waiting. And now, just like that, Michael was telling her they were through.
"Try to understand. These things happen. In a month or so, you'll meet someone new and forget all about me. You'll see."
He was crouching down, fixing his hair in the bureau mirror. Kathleen finally found her voice.
"You bastard."
Michael turned towards her.
"I'm sorry Kathleen," he said. "I really love my wife. I can't leave her. I hope someday you'll come to understand."
Oh she understood all right. She understood only too well.
Kathleen had no desire to say the usual things one said in these situations. The ease and callousness with which Michael had proposed breaking off their affair told Kathleen all she needed to know. Michael retreated into the bathroom to finish dressing and when he came out he found Kathleen downstairs in her robe and slippers. Michael looked at her questioningly.
"I've canceled my clients for this afternoon," she said simply.
There was an awkward silence that Kathleen did not rescue him from. She had made their whole relationship easy for the selfish son-of-a-bitch. She wasn't going to make this part easy.
"Oh," Michael said. He looked at his watch. "I really should be getting back."
"How about one last drink before you go. For old time's sake?"
"Look Kathleen, I think its best…"
Kathleen cut him off. "Don't worry Michael. I have no intention of creating a scene. I just want fifteen minutes to change your mind…"
"Kathleen I'm not going to change my mind."
"Maybe not, Michael. But after everything I've been through for you, I think you owe me at least that much. I could have caused a lot of trouble. I still can. But I haven't. I've tried to do the right thing in a very difficult situation. I think you can at least show me the same consideration."
Michael couldn't argue with that. He sat down at the edge of the couch that he would one day soon get to know all too well and waited as Kathleen returned with a pair of drinks that already seemed to have been prepared. As she approached, her robe opened a little with each step and Michael found his gaze traveling from the tips of her slender toes to the cool white inside of her thighs. He was going to miss that body. Damn, he was going to miss sex with Kathleen. He had never met anyone who was so empathetic in bed. She seem to know everything he wanted without him having to say a word. Was he making a mistake? Did he really want to stop seeing her?
He had to stop thinking like this. He loved his wife. He wanted to save his marriage. Christine had given him an ultimatum. Her—or me. Michael had made his choice. It was difficult but it was final. It was—
He saw the side of Kathleen's breasts in the "v" of her robe, felt her warmth, smelled her sweet scent—
Kathleen handed him a glass and smiled. Michael looked up with a start and took the drink. He looked into Kathleen's irresistibly bright blue eyes and sheepishly returned Kathleen's smile. She didn't seem upset anymore. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad, after all.
"I'm sorry," he muttered.
"It's okay Mona."
"What did you say?"
"Michael…"
That's a pretty robe, Michael thought as he sipped his drink. It looked so soft and silky. And he loved the vibrant colors so much better than his drab suit. It must feel so good next to the skin. He especially liked the way it fell open as Kathleen sat across from him, knees crossed, one long, smooth leg exposed. Michael didn't realize it but he was sitting that way, too.
Michael shook his head, confused. What in the world was he thinking? He had to get out of here. He had to get back to the office. He wanted to call his wife and tell her the affair was over.
"Kathleen, listen…"
He started to get up and then sank back down onto the couch. He was looking at Kathleen's feet. They looked so sexy in those open-toed slippers with the slender high heels. The slippers were totally impractical and had no other purpose but to make Kathleen's feet and legs look pretty. Michael wondered what he would look like in those slippers. Would he be able to walk in them? How would his shaved legs look? He pictured his toes, painted, tapping the air like Kathleen's.
"You don't really want to leave me, do you Mona?"
"Huh?" he said, still staring at Kathleen's toes.
Kathleen repeated her question.
"No," Michael heard himself saying. "I really don't want to leave."
Kathleen smiled. Her ex-lover was sitting across from her, legs crossed, tapping his foot, dreaming of what it would be like to be wearing a woman's robe and slippers.
And that was only the beginning.
"Hey wait a minute…I didn't mean…Kathleen?"
Michael felt very disoriented. He suddenly realized the way he was sitting, what he was thinking.
"Don't be alarmed Mona. It's perfectly okay."
"What—what have you done to me?" Michael said, looking dazed.
Kathleen wanted Michael to know exactly what was going to happen to him. It would be his last chance to know his fate. Once she started his deep re-conditioning, he would only have partial occasional glimpses back to the person he used to be. She had brought him up just to the level of awareness where he had enough of his own mind to understand but not enough to resist her.
"I suspected that you wouldn't have the balls to leave your wife," Kathleen explained. "So I planned for this day."
Michael looked down at his glass. "My drink…"
"You were stupid to take that drink, of course. It contains a very powerful psychotropic drug. I use it in my practice for extraordinary cases. I won't bore you with the details, Mona. You wouldn't understand them, and besides, you'll forget them soon anyway."
"Why do you keep calling me that?"
"What honey?"
"You know."
"No, I don't. Tell me."
"Mona…dammit…" Michael suddenly pictured himself in a pair of black lace panties. He could feel himself growing aroused. "You're calling me…"
"Mona."
"Please stop," Michael whispered, unable to shake the image of himself in a yellow sundress and white platform sandals.
"It's your new name. Don't you like it? I know for a fact that you do. It was the name of your first real girlfriend. How do I know that? You have no secrets from me, Mona, none."
Kathleen saw the flash of panic pass across Michael's face.
"That name has a special erotic significance for you. Now, every time you hear it, you will find yourself falling deeper into trance. And since it's your name, you'll hear it all the time, even if that is the only thing people know about you. Ingenious isn't it, Mona? You're name itself will become your bondage."
Michael imagined his legs in a pair of black fishnet thigh-highs. He slurred his words. "You bitch…"
"There's no need to be unpleasant, Mona. It won't help matters any. The important thing is that the drug enhances your powers of suggestibility, and, in your case, trainability.
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Keywords: Image, Body,